One Step forward, One GIGANTIC leap back
Since I last blogged, I have been cured of the Key West Fever and made some baby steps toward getting back some level of fitness. I have been to the gym 3 times in the past 4 days. Wahooo!! Mike and I also went through the Body Age test at Lifetime. Ugh. The results told me that my physical age makes me older than my chronological age, meaning that I'm fatter, less flexible and in poorer cardio shape than I should be. Amen to that! So, what next? How to improve? Well, hand over the cash card to buy hours with the personal trainer, of course! While I am REALLY excited to work directly with a trainer, I can't help but question my decision. I got swept up in the current of the woman I asked about training, who then administered our test, who will now be my trainer. At no point was it a conscientious decision to use Rachel specifically, nor did we talk about the other training options - with a group, for example. Overall, I am chomping at the bit to get started with her - first session on Thursday evening - and like I said, I've even already logged some time at the gym!
One step forward.
Yesterday, I received a meeting request from the project manager for 30 minutes today, simply titled "Work assignments." Hmmm...fishy. Then, when I got of out of the gym later I had a phone message from Robert Half. It was my staffing rep - Angela. Her message was succinct. My contract with United would expire at the end of July and will not be renewed. Argh! Honestly, I knew my contract date ended July 31, but I truly expected it to be renewed. Especially as I am working on enhancements to be put in place for November. The way things ended so abruptly, (did they?), I felt like I had done something wrong. I spent the whole night and drive to work stressing. No only did I think I was being fired, but today it dawned on me that if you were to pick the top 5 life changing and stressful events, I have 4 on the agenda to be complete in the next year, and they are ALL self-induced: 1 - Change Jobs 2 - Sell a house 3 - move cross country 4 - plan a wedding and get married. I'm not sure if it is on my imaginary list, but I think the only other self induced stressors would be having a baby. No thank you. Not right now. I knew I would have to find a new job at the time of our move, but now I need to do it within the next month, here in MN, AND after we move. It would make sense to just take the month of August off, but I have bills to pay, AND our move in September is still dependent on selling our houses...which may take longer than the 3 months I optimistically estimated. Poop.
I had a bit of an anxiety attack once I got to work. The kind where no matter what someone said to me, I would cry. Big alligator tears. How HORRIBLE to do that at work! How EMBARASSING to do that at work! I felt like such a pathetically, over-emotional, weak woman. I couldn't turn it off for about 30 minutes at which point the project manager pulled me aside behind closed doors to talk. (Earlier than the previously scheduled 30 minutes.) Basically, she told me that the project is running low on budget, and since we have go-live coming up (a good ending point), the mgmt needed to decide who they would roll off the project. Supposedly, it was between me and some other guy, but he is stronger technically and that is who is needed at this point in the project. I felt the need to explain my tearful blubbering and admitted that I understand the business aspects, I was just had a lot of stressful things going on at the moment that have all come to a head, and as our conversation ended, so did my tears.
I have to say, I certainly don't want to be comforted by this woman, but she is HORRIBLE at offering comforting words. As we walked out of the conference room and I went back to my cube, she said loudly "I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST ELOPE. THAT'S WHAT I TELL ALL OF MY KIDS: 'HERE, HAVE SOME MONEY. GO ELOPE.' YOU SHOULD ELOPE." She then also stopped by my desks this afternoon to tell me that she was worried about me because it looked like I was having an anxiety/panic attack and her "daughter has severe anxiety attacks and has gotten to the point where she can't leave her home except to go to therapy and that she is confined to her house and is considered legally disabled and collects Disability from the government and ... and...." Good lord. Thanks for that. "Oh, and you're lucky. At least when you cry, only your face gets all red. My face and chest get all red and splotchy and my nose..." WHAT??? Why are you telling me this? Why are you talking LOUDLY about this next my cube where the entire team can hear what you are saying??
So, need to find a job and looked like a fool in front of co-workers.
One GIGANTIC leap back.
One step forward.
Yesterday, I received a meeting request from the project manager for 30 minutes today, simply titled "Work assignments." Hmmm...fishy. Then, when I got of out of the gym later I had a phone message from Robert Half. It was my staffing rep - Angela. Her message was succinct. My contract with United would expire at the end of July and will not be renewed. Argh! Honestly, I knew my contract date ended July 31, but I truly expected it to be renewed. Especially as I am working on enhancements to be put in place for November. The way things ended so abruptly, (did they?), I felt like I had done something wrong. I spent the whole night and drive to work stressing. No only did I think I was being fired, but today it dawned on me that if you were to pick the top 5 life changing and stressful events, I have 4 on the agenda to be complete in the next year, and they are ALL self-induced: 1 - Change Jobs 2 - Sell a house 3 - move cross country 4 - plan a wedding and get married. I'm not sure if it is on my imaginary list, but I think the only other self induced stressors would be having a baby. No thank you. Not right now. I knew I would have to find a new job at the time of our move, but now I need to do it within the next month, here in MN, AND after we move. It would make sense to just take the month of August off, but I have bills to pay, AND our move in September is still dependent on selling our houses...which may take longer than the 3 months I optimistically estimated. Poop.
I had a bit of an anxiety attack once I got to work. The kind where no matter what someone said to me, I would cry. Big alligator tears. How HORRIBLE to do that at work! How EMBARASSING to do that at work! I felt like such a pathetically, over-emotional, weak woman. I couldn't turn it off for about 30 minutes at which point the project manager pulled me aside behind closed doors to talk. (Earlier than the previously scheduled 30 minutes.) Basically, she told me that the project is running low on budget, and since we have go-live coming up (a good ending point), the mgmt needed to decide who they would roll off the project. Supposedly, it was between me and some other guy, but he is stronger technically and that is who is needed at this point in the project. I felt the need to explain my tearful blubbering and admitted that I understand the business aspects, I was just had a lot of stressful things going on at the moment that have all come to a head, and as our conversation ended, so did my tears.
I have to say, I certainly don't want to be comforted by this woman, but she is HORRIBLE at offering comforting words. As we walked out of the conference room and I went back to my cube, she said loudly "I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST ELOPE. THAT'S WHAT I TELL ALL OF MY KIDS: 'HERE, HAVE SOME MONEY. GO ELOPE.' YOU SHOULD ELOPE." She then also stopped by my desks this afternoon to tell me that she was worried about me because it looked like I was having an anxiety/panic attack and her "daughter has severe anxiety attacks and has gotten to the point where she can't leave her home except to go to therapy and that she is confined to her house and is considered legally disabled and collects Disability from the government and ... and...." Good lord. Thanks for that. "Oh, and you're lucky. At least when you cry, only your face gets all red. My face and chest get all red and splotchy and my nose..." WHAT??? Why are you telling me this? Why are you talking LOUDLY about this next my cube where the entire team can hear what you are saying??
So, need to find a job and looked like a fool in front of co-workers.
One GIGANTIC leap back.
posted by Julie | 1:44 PM
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